PAY ATTENTION

originally in Lenticular

It’s true that my friend Shadow and his wife Wanda asked me to go through their things while they were out of town on a sex therapy weekend. They asked me—as a couple—to find anything suspicious. This sort of objective, third-party investigation was part of their treatment. I did as I was asked, and it was unpleasant. I won’t violate their privacy, but I'll note that I found nothing that would put their marriage in jeopardy specifically. But, oh, all of our strangenesses! What people will put in the back of their drawers is astonishing. 

My wife was killed in a car accident. No one disputes that it was her fault. They said, she wasn’t paying attention. Weather conditions were ideal. I'd harassed her about her seatbelt hundreds of times. So I’ve had to go through other people’s things before.